The internet is so full of cats, and also recently of discussions of catcalling.
They tend to be tedious discussions about gender, but they never offer practical advice.
As someone who was forced by my school to travel from Queens to Manhattan via the E train and the 6 train wearing a plaid or grey knee-length skirt (winter) or powder blue kilt (spring/fall) from the ages of 13 to 18, I learned about street harassment before I knew there was such a thing. Obviously my approaches have been refined to serve a certain demographic (redheads from Queens in knee-length skirts) but I am sure there are adaptations. And these strategies have served me for the years during which I have refused to wear skirts (roughly, since I joyfully threw away my spring/fall and winter skirts). Anyway, for what it’s worth:
Some of these people start at a stage that’s clearly escalated. If so, begin at the level that seems appropriate.
1. Headphonedeaf. The first reaction to a stranger talking to you about your appearance, or the uncheerfulness of your appearance, is to have headphones on. If you do not actually have headphones on, you know how you would act if you did have headphones on. Act that way. Because you clearly are not sitting on the subway or walking down the street thinking about the nice people you might meet. You are thinking about something else, and did not notice that the man’s comment was addressed to you.
The reason: they want attention. These are children eating glue, hoping someone will notice they are sad and will help. The fact that they are adults is the reason why you don’t give them the attention. They have to be hardened to deal with a refusal to acknowledge their intrusion.
2. Emily Post polishing silver. So they won’t go away and you have to respond. There is one important thing to hang on to: NEVER SMILE. Do not smile. It will go wrong, and it’s also a reward for them, and they do not deserve a reward. Frown, but not angrily; frown like you are polishing silver. Pretend you are Emily Post, and you have not stopped polishing silver, but have been presented with a conundrum. “I beg your pardon?” “I’m sorry, I don’t follow; it seems my train has come, good day!”
The reason: Anyone who can think a truly frowning, “I beg your pardon” is a romantic gesture is beyond self-delusion. So you can force out everyone who wants to hang on to the delusion that this kind of thing is welcome. Which turns out to be a lot of them! After this stage, proceed with caution. Even if the person continues to preserve the forms of polite conversation, they clearly are engaged in some other enterprise. Flee if possible. If not, it’s time to start making noise.
Notes on this stage: I have a good frown. For all the young ladies: practice your frown! You need a look on your face that will make middle schoolers spit out their gum. You may want to practice on gumchewing middleschoolers. Or you may remember being a gumchewing middleschooler. That’s the look you want. Accompanied by the politest phrase possible, this is a solid strategy. But there should be zero emotion, whatever it is. His discipline problem does not create an emotional impact.
3. If they started with 1 or 2, you have probably gotten rid of them. But many start at Level 3, and a few do get through Level 2. Here is where you do 3: Irish Cop. “I’m sorry, sir, I need you to move on.” You can’t say, not being an Irish cop, “I need to preserve the perimeter.” But you can say, “You’re crowding me, a bit. Mind moving off, buddy?” The “buddy” is important. There are certainly many equivalents: a word for a male who is a fellow officer or a member of the same club. That is the word to use. Speak firmly and loudly; nobody nearby should be unclear about whether or not you feel threatened. I use Irish Cop because it’s easy for me; but there is more than one kind of cop!
The reason: It’s kind of fun. Also: they don’t know what to do. Usually they just wilt away.
4. This one depends. If you are in a very public situation you can use it but if nobody else is there you should immediately skip to 5.
Anyway, 4: pure aggression. All the anger you have felt 1 through 3 you can let out. “Get away from me, now.” Form a fist. Whatever works. This will cause many to flee *you* in terror. They’re cowards.
The reason: They realize that in order to continue they will have to employ violence, and if there are people around they will start to get scared. Also sometimes even if there isn’t anybody around. Also, part of them worries: what if this girl beat the shit out of me? They should worry that you could out of pure fury.
5. I have only ended up here a few times. But: enter a store, or some facility with a camera, and tell a person behind a counter or whatever that you feel unsafe and could you please stay until the person is departed. If the dude is still following you, point at him. The person you are asking for sympathy from will likely sympathize with him, but the point is that at this point his only option is violence. So stay, call a friend, do whatever. Even if they sympathize with him, they won’t kick you out. If he tries to talk to you, respond using stage 2 tactics, with a smattering of stage 3.
The reason: It’s not that the person will actually help you. But he will not be sure of that, in the meantime, he will get bored. Really! You’ve called for backup. This is bad because it is also boring for you. But it is a little satisfying to watch them get bored and angry but not be able to bother you to console themselves.
Anyway! Everyone has a strategy, so that’s mine.
What’s yours?
but our princess is in another castle! 